torriennebrutal

I laugh just about every time I think about it but I have a boyfriend, one that goes to my school. I swore to myself that I wouldn't but I am now.

School: I'm walking the fine line between loving and hating school. AP History isn't even remotely hard I have no homework (reading doesn't count) and I sit there for 50 minutes and listen to Mrs Pyle talk. It's a pretty sweet gig. Keeton's class is fun but I'm afraid to get on her bad side. I'm trying as hard as I can. Italian is so much fun despite that Jose asshole in my class and some girl from Brazil or something. Chemistry is okay, I'm only taking it for the sole sake of college. Ceramics is in my top three favorite classes,it's inspired me to actually make art. I sit next to Elisa and Amanda Wallach, I'm not particularly fond of Amanda but you have to give respect to get it. Aside from that tons of people I love are in that class like Jason, Lester, Matt and Carlos. Geometry is a bitch because I have MS Lin, I can't understand what she says. I think the only class I have a major beef with is Psychology because my teacher just seems to dick off a lot, I think I'll like it in the end, but right now it's very iffy. I think that covers my classes. I do have a lot of homework in these classes and I haven't found time to do it yet. I know I'm passing 4 classes so far. the other three are very hit or miss I've barely done anything in Psych and I've been slacking off in Geometry and Chem but I'll try and pull it together within these two weeks.
Personal: Me and Evan are best friends again, in a theoretical sense I'm so glad for that, I hated the tension friendship we had after the fallout. I can't think of very much in this section.

Everything is happenin' so fast, MGMT refernece yes. I loved this weekend. The only thing that could have improved it was Luis. While I was in San Francisco some guy was looking at me and ran into a car, it was pretty epic on my part. I went shopping with Drew and Hamici, I love them to death and I've only known them for about 2 weeks, they're real people and that's the best kind of people to have surrounded by you. I got tons of stuff for under 20 bucks and then I went to American Apparel to buy a sweatshirt because they quality of their stuff is amazing I also got a gold spandex dress out of impulse because Drew and Hamici urged me to get it. Sunday I went to the mall with Brian, Julia and Morgen and got a shit ton of stuff, it was probably the first time ever I didn't have buyer's remorse. I spent pretty much all of the 280 dollars I had left over. Now I have to raise money for the Treasure Island Music Festival because I need to see Girl Talk, MGMT and Passion Pit among other bands. I wish I could go see The Horrors but The Independent is only open for 21+ which tells me I need a fake ID and also a job to support my new found SF habit. Today is my birthday and it was probably the best ever at first I wasn't happy about it being my birthday and I'm not sure why but when I was explaining how unhappy I was about turning 16 everyone showed me tons of love and it made me love today. Everyone at the blog (lol) was posting A.Skars pictures and cakes for me and at school Brian got me balloons and Taylor bought me cheesecake, which Ijeoma dropped on the floor but whatever.Which brings me to actual school part. AP US History I'm not as scared anymore but I probably should be my teacher seems really chill and it is evident she's a feminist. Psychology is going to be eh because I have a lot of cunt rags in my class, hopefully they won't be a hindrance to my work. Chemistry is going to be blah because I can't count atoms worth a damn and te teacher has an odd bipolar side to her. Geometry will be hard as idk what because not only am I a mathematical handicap, my teacher has the strongest Chinese accent ever, but I'll try and make the best out of it. Italian is probably going to be one of the more challenging but fun classes on my schedule, I sit next to this scene girl which makes me lol everytime I see her. English Honors is a bit deceiving because Keeton is a very nice woman but under it her teacher self is Satan, I guess you could say because she grades very tough hopefully I prove myself in that class. Last but not least is Ceramics, I have tons of people in that class including Jason, Elisa, and Carlos I can't wait to start molding stuff and creating, I also thought about taking a UC Berkeley course for Ceramics but decided against it. I was alos happy that the True Blood fans loved my Bill Compton impression, because IMO it's pretty damn good. Nakia called me today to wish me happy birthday, that made my day because I've honestly been stressin over our friendship because it did kind of unraveled at David's party at first I was like FUCK HER WHATEVER out of anger but you know it's a good friend you might lose when you constantly think back on what happened. I feel terrible now about all of the shit I did and I'm glad she said we're gonna hang out this weekend, I have a feeling it'll be just what I need after this first week is over. My parents bought me a new stereo but it doesn't compensate for me not being able to go to Outsidelands this year it's still the thought that counts I also got and ice cream cake, it's was something I've always wanted, as lame as that sounds. I think what I could use this weekend is Luis (if time permits), Inglorious Basterds, and my girls (Animal Collective reference) Moral of this long ass entry is that I'm in love with life.

I guess it's true what they say, "when you feel good you don't write in your diary" or is it "you only write in your diary when you're sad" either way it's not that I'm sad but I just have nothing to do lately. Well hopefully this weekend. I keep forgetting my birthday is on Monday 16 hasn't even phased me. I guess when you've been waiting to be a certain age for some many years when you finally get there you're already worn out. I got my classes and I got exactly what I wanted. All I have to do this year is pull it off. Now I'm begining to realize the farther I get through school, the more I fuck up and the slimmer my options get. All I want to do is leave California so I guess if I get that done I'll be happy. I made a skirt today out of my grandma's huge shorts haha. It took me so much time to get them just right, as a matter of fact they still aren't correct because the thread/sewing machine started to screw me over right at the home stretch. It's a nice skirt. Because Rachel badgered me and is probably my only fan, I started writing again. It's great to get these long term, ill developed ideas out of your head to be developed further. I'm not sure what else to ramble about but it will come to me later tonight, I'd say in my sleep but I don't sleep. I got to sleep at around 4 sometines 6 in the morning. It's terrible, hopefully getting a job and doing school will fix that.

I can't wait for school to start, instead of enrolling at LMC for fall semester, I guess I'll just have to do it in winter. I need to take the exam but classes start tmw. I also have to go to registration tmw too, I don't know what to expect on my schedule because they might not give me my classes because i failed two frosh classes. I'd rather take them senior year or at least for summer school. Oh I also failed PE III so I'm afraid of retaking that too. My mom gave me some money so I plan on going to San Francisco to go shop. Lush is here finally, but I'm not sure what's going to happen. I have to turn in my job applications tmw too and try and comprehend Driver's ed, Walden and my history stuff. True Blood is coming on tonight, I have a feeling Godric died because I mean that's how TV works. We all know Sookie, Bill, Jason, and Eric didn't die because they're the staples in the series.

Fuck yeah suck my dick. last day of school was great, it was nothing like last year's and in a good way, but there were a lot of unsaid things. i completely kicked off summer right, with new friends. i do feel like i'm losing some that never even got to be in a way. idk. summer plans are to do the summer hw, condition and party. getting a job seems stupid now because i can't find a place that hires right now. party as in have fun, i need a cash flow though no lie. and condition for trying out for volleyball or some team, hopefully volleyball. i just feel this overwhelming need to do something.

Fuck i'm so irritated right now. i'm glad school is over next week.

Friday nights for the most part are depressing, I'm constantly at home. today was ezra and reggie's birthday i made reggie cupcakes and didn't say a word to ezra. it's been really awkward with us, i'll catch him looking at me and he'll catch me looking at him, it's ridiculous how this things goes, but there probably isn't anything there i mean he's with micaela. liz was supposed to fight with montanna, i hope she did. montanna needs to get it, i think if she didn't lie about snitching she wouldn't get hurt as bad. I miss my mom, without her my dad turns into hitler, stalin, and mussolini and it's irritating. i have to go to sac tmw and stay the weekend so i won't see him until monday which is good. if school was another 2 months i'd kill myself no lie, i'm glad it's almost over tension around here is so bad. i finally got my summer reading books, the papers said to start off with walden and i'm doing that, i hate it already i can't focus when i'm reading it and i have to do that stupid journal thing. i'm yearning for summer right now.

so i got high tonight.
and like i got hella captivated by your beauty...i was looking at one picture for 87654d567 hours before a loud noise snapped me out of it.
and im not even THAT high (as u can see im thinking/typing pretty clear) so i think that its just that u are fucking gooooooooorgeous.
random i know.
holler.

Allen messaged me this tonight, it was really nice of him. I've been in a shit mood since tuesday even if today was a pretty great day, there's always something that can make it better. I think everyone should get a message like this at on

Today was a good day. I want everyday to be like this, I don't think anyone can complain with a constant positivity from all parties including my own. the only downfall is the amount of horny that I'm emitting from my system like it's ridiculous, idk how it's possible idk if i like it, i seriously walked to the skate park to find ezra. i need help. speaking of ezra wtf is up with him and micaela whenever anyone asks him about it its "idk" or "she's being crazy that's why we don't go out" guys i swear.
anyways today was seriously good, i don't think i can find something to complain about. my mom went to new jersey today so I'm stuck with my brothers and dad and then I have to go to sacramento and stay with my grandma. I really hope the weekend will be good.

I told a few people and they were all happy for me, like jealous happy, i win. when i saw him i freaked out and tried to make myself invisible by turning my head, when i turned back around he was gone. and then later he came up to me and everyone was making lewd jokes. and we went somewhere else to talk and it was weird. elisa was telling me to date him but i'm like um idk if i can, because i don't. that girl is still on his jock and i don't want anymore drama or to start off te summer taken. i think it's just my pride. i think i might like him like him, i shouldn't but i might again. :/

people and their love is stupid. I don't want to find "true love" that's silly, out of 6 billion people you really think you've found the one? really you haven't even met 1% of the population so i bet there is someone better. idk why i'm saying this it just feels appropriate.

I seriously can't wait for school to end, I was sitting in 4th period watching a movie and realized that they're really just keeping us here to collect that attendance pay check thing. I got accepted into english honors for next year, i hope i can get through the summer reading list let alone the essays and shit we're gonna have to write. summer should be fun, i guess me and evan muuuufucking g are supposed to hang out. in my opinion we make a great internet team always and he's making me love daft punk more and more. i hate science, it's to literal and factual, the movie i was talking about earlier was explaining the human body's function and i wonder wtf is going on because it makes us out to be random beings with mechanical impulses (if that's the right analogy) instead of things with feelings and thoughts. i guess we're robots according to scientific research. I wish i could get a job but i might have to take classes at lmc and i don't even know if that's happening because i procrastinate so much. I can't wait to move out of the house, everyone is so unbearable, if there was a way to move out now i would. i think i just need some r and r because i'm going insane.

I love sushi, I hope to get some tomorrow, I would also like some Pho but that's not likely to happen, good pho is hard to come by. star testing is fun in an odd sort of way, i dread it as it's getting passed out but as soon as i dive in there it's easy as balls. i had this really great sandwhich today me, taylor, and katie l ate it i was going to make another one for tmw but i don't have anymore supplies so i'm buying sushi instead. it was so very chill today i went to taco bell with the niggas and had a great time i always have a great time with them but i think i caught ijeoma's cold because my throat hurts, we shared a baja blast. I was thinking about cutting my hair since my mom got me on the idea, i'd want either a santogold cut or a tegan and sara lesbian one lol, but it'd be later on i have to let it grow out and then cut it, idk if i want color in it maybe not, at least it'd be something new. fuck my throat hurts, i know i'm getting sick now. i've been hearing alot of gossip lately about katie and alot of other people and their business it's fun to hear but it would suck if i was one of the people they were talking about. anywaysss idk what else to say.

Okay so I was talking to Maverick and he got so duped by mila, she said that he got her pregnant. they were engaged at 16 and were going to get married like in 4 months and everything but rick saw her at a party crunkin and then asked mave if she even took a test, it turns out that she was never pregnant to begin with but she just wanted to get closer. I feel so bad for him no one should have to endure a crazy 16 year old bitch who wants 17 kids, literally.
anyway, i have a lightwieght boyfriend and ijeoma has a full on boyfriend, needless to say we're happy.
It's too hot for all of this shit right now, i just want to go to santa cruz and chill. summer i can't wait, i can get drunk finally, get smacked, get high and go to the zoo. my summer plan is to get a job and make a "movie" of my summer. i can't wait. i know being intoxicated shouldn't be the only thing on my mind, but it is because it's just all i know.
junior year should be fun, i hate when people older than me are like "oh it's not going to be fun blah blah" well that's because you made the choices you made so let me make mine, we aren't the same person.
i'm also getting set up for rejection and heartbreak as well as the time of my life and cherished memories that's what i love about life, it's a fucking lottery.

fuck my life, head over heels again. same guy but fuck it's annoying. i don't want to call it love because what is love? but it's like we talk on the phone and I stutter and smile pretty much the whole time we talk. he says i love you and i say it back, i mean it but once again what is love? it's amazing. last night we talked for 30 minutes and after that I couldn't go to sleep and when i did, i dreamt of him, woke up the next morning still stuck on what we were talking about i stil am actually, and we're texting right now. there must be something if i'm still stuck on a 30 minute conversation that happened like 24 hours ago. I can't even begin to tell you what we talk about, not that it's nasty but it's just that i'll get in one of my thinking trances again and not be able to go on with life. dfjhkjdsfhkjdsfkakjde9438r idk what else to say except i really genuinley care for him.